Customer Service Cover Letter

Can you help me with this cover letter? A reader question from Laura.

3 years ago I interned at the Special Olympics. Having made a number of connections there,  I just found out there is now  a job available in the position I was interning and I intend on applying for it.

They say to submit a creative cover letter. The professionals I have been speaking with advised to perhaps write a slightly a less-professional yet still professional cover letter.

This is what I have been working on:

“As a former Special Olympics <> intern, I am well-versed in the joys and stresses of planning Special Events in the nonprofit sector. As you have already seen, I am a dedicated, competent and driven individual with a sound experience working with Special Olympics <>.

It is with great interest and enthusiasm that I respond to your recent job posting on the <> website for the position of <> with Special Olympics <>. My resume is attached for your review and consideration, and I am confident that you find me well qualified for this position.

My Response:

The “problem” you have is not a problem at all. People often give jobs to their proteges or get jobs from their mentors. It’s the natural state of business.

Your cover letter looks very solid, however it isn’t what I would call a “less professional” letter. I think I would remove the “As you have seen” in the second sentence of the first paragraph, as most people who read it won’t have seen anything of the sort.

One suggestion is to make the letter a personal account of your experience as an intern. Explain a particular event that caught your attention and heart that might point them to WHY you want the job. For example, if you helped a particular person struggle through an event and how that taught you and them both something. Your resume will highlight your skills and qualifications… the cover letter should highlight your personality and who you are as a person. So, I’d say your letter is still too “cold” and “professional” and not quite “personal” enough.

Hope that helps.